people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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