too bad you live with your parents still
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
time to smoke my breakfast
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
