so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
