the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
