you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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