found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
