Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
