So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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