Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
