how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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