its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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