That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
