remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
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Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
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She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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