At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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