i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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