can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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