Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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