make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
