I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
