pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
