YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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