My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
