I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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