in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize