Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
