ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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