i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
me + whiskey = a bad person
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
