Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I am available for nakedness
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
