he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
