dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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