It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
