he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
