If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
