I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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