My room smells like vodka and shame
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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