my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
