I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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