glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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