I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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