After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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