Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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