Who did Billy Mays play for?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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