You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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