ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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