so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
