your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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