the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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