its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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