dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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