What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
