Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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