I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
