puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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