He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
