I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
