Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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