I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
