The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My bed is full of blood and feathers
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
