So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
