its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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