I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize