i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
