Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
