this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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