Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i permit you to call me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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