so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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